Depression comes in waves,
when I least expect it to.
Like bubbles in a glass of water,
They keep on breaking my mental surface.
The ripples sinking my mind,
sliding into the welcoming suffocating depths.
My sanity reminds me of the hurt
and the pain I have caused at my own hand.
To see the disappointment in your eyes,
counting the sighs from within you,
fills me with regret, not for myself,
but for you, you don't deserve that.
To destroy our love was never the intention.
To act as your inspiration was my motivation.
As you put it so well, to shed this earthly burden,
to live forever in a place no one has ever known,
and no one will ever know, except for us.
That to me was beauty beyond comparison.
I've been dead inside for so long.
You have made me come alive.
I know how much I need you,
even if I can't put it into words.
Real life in society was never for us.
Do you know how much I loved your company?
I would hold your face in my minds eye.
I would think about you when you're not with me,
keep seeing you in the corner of my eye, wherever I go.
I could feel you watching me, watching over me,
and that would comfort me.
Even when the darkness draws in.
Being close to you mentally, spiritually, is all that mattered.
I would always be there for you,
to listen, to understand, to try and help.
You gave me strength in the morning to wake up.
Without you I would have died by now,
thank you for the extra few months,
they have been worth living.
Living this life is hard enough now,
the sorrow and grief it can't go on.
I must act quickly to try and cut free,
before I loose my faith and turn inward.
If only you knew how deeply you touched me.
The choice of my painful death,
can be my only repentance.
(c) 9th October 1998 02:07, Fnagaton.